You smell like stripper and shame
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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