If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
