just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
