OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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