I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he laminated a picture of his dick.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
