Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
