It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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