if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
