bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
