Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
