I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Randomize
