arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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