One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
