U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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