He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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