he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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