I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
