it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
