you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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