I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
