if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I think your dad took our porno
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
