He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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