i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
