I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
