so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
