Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
