Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So vagazzling was a success
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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