My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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