Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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