sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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