I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
