Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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