I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
