Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
