i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
