If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
