someone get that fucking seahorse.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
