I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
