Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
