i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The beer is more important than you right now.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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