I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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