Please, let me fuck your mom
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
