Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
