you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
