I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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