Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
