Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Randomize
