Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
