conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
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