yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Randomize
