It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
